When Microsoft unveiled its controller-free camera technology dubbed Project Natal during E3 last week, you'd think that gaming peripheral makers might start asking President Obama for a bailout.

But not so. At least not for Nyko. The manufacturer of third-party accessories, whose core business is unlicensed Wii products, doesn't see physical controllers going away anytime soon. In fact, Chris Arbogast, Nyko's director of marketing, has a hard time seeing casual gamers letting go of the Wii remote.

"People in the casual market like feeling something physical to keep your hands aligned," he said. "When you grab the Wiimote and swing it, it feels like you're swinging a baseball bat, versus pantomining swinging a bat. I think that if you take all [the controllers] away and you're just pantomiming everything, there may be some disconnect with realism there."

Obviously, working for Nyko, Arbogast has to stay positive. However, if Project Natal does take off, we wondered if the company has a Plan B. Arbogast said it might force Nyko to "think outside the box." "We'll have to think of other ways we can accessorize and augment the players' experience," he said. "Not with a controller anymore, but with other things to add to that camera functionality. It could be a whole new avenue of business that opens up for us because we'll be forced to challenge ourselves."

Luckily for Nyko, Project Natal is probably a long ways off, with analysts saying it won't trump the Wii just yet. Until then, you can enjoy another innovation in camera technology: the Nyko DSi Zoom Case.

The tale of Guybrush Threepwood and his ascent through the pirate ranks is one of the most-loved stories from the adventure games of yesteryear, and now you can get ready for a whole lot more of it. LucasArts has announced to us at E3 that they're working with Telltale Games on Tales of Monkey Island, a five-part episodic series to be released monthly on both PC and WiiWare. LucasArts says that there's no shortage of demand among both developers and gamers to make and play as much Monkey Island as possible, so they're giving what they call "one of the forefathers of adventure gaming and the precusor to the RPG genre" the Sam and Max treatment.

There aren't any other platforms scheduled for release -- while the Monkey Island special edition is being released on Xbox Live, LucasArts CEO Darrell Rodriguez was tight-lipped when it came to getting the episodic content on consoles or even a platform like the iPhone. But he did tell us that their plan is to take us back to the "halcyon days" of the company, "when people couldn't wait for a LucasArts game to come out." Considering that the last Monkey Island release was almost nine years ago, it'll be nice to have the wait for a trip to the Tri-Island Area reduced to just 30 days.

When playing Saints Row or Red Faction, did you ever wish you could smash up buildings or conduct drive-by shootings with a porn star while waggling a Wiimote? Even if you answered "no" to that question, developer Volition says it may one day be possible. During the Red Faction: Guerrilla launch event in New York City last night (held at the red planet-themed tourist trap/night club known as Mars 2112), we asked senior associate producer Jeff Carroll if the THQ-owned studio ever considered making Wii versions of their popular franchises.

"Though [THQ] may do Wii versions of [our games] in the future, Volition won't be doing them -- at least for the next year or so," Carroll said.

"We actually talked about whether we were going to become a partial Wii developer," he explained. "Then we talked it over with THQ and they had enough studios that were going to be Wii-specific. But we really wanted to focus on the technological advances [in console development], especially for Red Faction Guerrilla."

When asked if these Wii titles were in the works, he replied that he didn't know but that they were "within the realm of possibility."

The real question is: Will Gary Busey be involved? For insanity's sake, we hope so.

"A spit-take is a comedic technique in which someone spits a beverage out of his or her mouth when he or she reacts to a statement during a take. In a spit-take, the reaction is usually one of surprise. Danny Thomas is sometimes credited with popularizing its use in comedy." (Source: Wikipedia, the lazy man's reference material.)

We thought it would be considerate to give you guys the ever-so-brief history of the knee-jerk reaction you're likely about to experience, depending on your level of self-investment in the overseas gaming electronics market, and whether or not you're currently drinking a nice, refreshing beverage. Amidst substantial drops in weekly sales totals for all its competitors, the rarely triumphant Xbox 360 pulled off a spectacular ascent with an increase of over 15,000 units. It performed this feat by riding upon the comfortable, pillowy back of Star Ocean: The Last Hope, a 360 exclusive that sold over 162,000 copies in its release week.

Then again, perhaps news that a Square Enix title featuring vaguely effeminate dudes pushed Japanese sales of its designated system doesn't surprise you to the point of expectoration. Your unflappable, steely nerves keep you from being startled by sales figures, let alone the GIANT SPIDER THAT'S ON YOUR SHOULDER. (Yeah, that probably did the trick.)

- DSi: 41,839 11,644 (21.77%)
- PSP: 29,552 4,704 (13.73%)
- Xbox 360: 25,334 15,501 (157.64%)
- Wii: 16,973 4,043 (19.24%)
- PS3: 16,149 2,507 (13.44%)
- DS Lite: 9,975 4,835 (32.65%)
- PS2: 5,029 303 (5.68%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The expectorating archives

It seems that Nintendo's recently discovered trademark for "The After Years" was, in fact, referencing a Wii port of the cell-phone based follow-up to the SNES role-playing classic Final Fantasy IV. An ESRB rating for the sequel confirms that the game will be hitting North American Wiis, though a time frame for its release, or even its release format (retail? WiiWare?) has yet to be revealed. The ESRB stamped the title with an E rating, as it doesn't classify the frequent usage of the word "spoony" as inappropriate for adolescent ears.

Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, which was released in an episodic fashion on a number of Japanese mobile platforms last year, follows the exploits of Ceodore (the progeny of FFIV protagonists Cecil and Rosa) nearly 17 years after the events of the original game. It'll also feature appearances from other major characters from the SNES title -- well, the ones who survived, anyway. Those who played the title will recall that FFIV was somewhat Hamlet-esque in its final body count.

Listen, we're for the advancement of realism and ethical dialogue in video games just as much as the next ludo-snob, but we can't help but miss the good old days when justice -- sweet, unwavering justice -- was dealt from the glassy tip of a Light Gun. Imagine our delight when we heard tell that Headstrong Games, developer of the overcompensating peripheral-packing zombie shooter House of the Dead: Overkill, had expressed interest in revitalizing another of Sega's classic franchises: Virtua Cop.

When pressed in a recent interview with Cubed3, Overkill producer Neil McEwen explained that Headstrong Games would "love to do Virtua Cop or another light gun game for Sega." According to McEwen, the collaboration began when Sega approached the developer with the hopes of working together on one of Sega's franchises. They ultimately settled on House of the Dead, but should the relationship continue, we might just see the return of everyone's favorite destruction-prone pair of virtual flatfeet.

Here's an interesting fact: In order to earn money through product placements, you actually have to have a pre-arranged deal with the advertised company. You can't just start interjecting their brand name into conversations and wait for them to send you a check. Alas, our meticulous plan for bringing some much-needed economic growth to the Japanese Hardware Sales Institute has collapsed under the weight of its own immeasurable incompetence. We've been forced to take the last measure available to us in order to continue providing this valuable service: Workforce optimization.

We've elected to simplify a startling number of positions here at the Institute, including Stat Trackers, Adders, Subtractors, Analyzers, Percentage Calculators, Red and Green Arrow Breeders, Pun Writers, Pun Editors, and our LOLcat Locator. We even restructured the guy who was in charge of the optimization procedures. We'd like to call this irony, but we can't be sure. We smartsized our Literary Device Examiner.

We also unhired our Witty Remark That Actually Pertains to The Current Week's Sales Figures Guy -- luckily, his services won't be needed, as this week's chart looks alarmingly similar to the last fifty. Just hop into our archives, and choose your favorite wisecrack. Take our word for it -- it'll still be relevant.

- DSi: 49,529 6,084 (10.94%)
- PSP: 34,969 9,166 (20.77%)
- Wii: 20,412 2,866 (12.31%)
- PS3: 16,082 1,323 (7.60%)
- DS Lite: 12,484 2,663 (17.58%)
- Xbox 360: 8,311 204 (2.52%)
- PS2: 5,089 245 (4.59%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The smartsized archives

The pre-order bonuses for Guitar Hero: Metallica run the gamut of usefulness when dealing with down payment freebies -- the first (and unquestionably most desirable) of these bonuses we already knew about: Dropping a paper Lincoln on the title at GameStop will net you an extra drum pedal with which to face the game's most punishing percussion solos. A bit further down on the Scale of Practicality is the pre-order bonus for Hollywood Video and GameCrazy: A pair of Guitar Hero: Metallica drumsticks. Not an amazing gift, but it sure beats a keychain.

On the complete opposite side of the aforementioned scale is the gift that Best Buy patrons will bring home: Tattoo sleeves. We can only imagine that they're talking about those fake slip-on things that make it look like you've swapped appendages with Tommy Lee, and not, you know, actual tattoos. We assume that particular consumer electronics retailer has some policy prohibiting in-store decorative body modification.

Michael Torchia, "fitness expert" and host of the upcoming AM talk radio show "Shape Up, America," has announced plans for a class-action lawsuit against Nintendo, claiming that people are injuring themselves playing Wii games. Torchia says that many players injure themselves on the Wii because Nintendo has not properly warned consumers that warming up is necessary before exercise.

Torchia's press release claims that the proliferation of Wii Fit has led to players sustaining "injuries in their knees, back and wrists because of overuse and improper warm- up."

In addition, Torchia claims that Nintendo is misrepresenting the Wii's effectiveness as an exercise tool. " ... Nintendo is contributing to the epidemic of obesity. Young and old are putting away their gym clothes and shying away from going outdoors to play sports, because the addictive appeal to the Wii game products." In Torchia's estimation, then, Wii games are both poor exercise and excessively strenuous exercise. Like eating a pizza tied to the back of a moving car!

[Via What They Play]

Nintendo of Japan revealed a ton of new games at its fall media conference, and it's just now getting around to talking about some of them. Kensax was one of the many first-party games buried in the avalanche of news, with nothing released but three baffling, context-free screenshots and a few seconds of video.

IGN has translated an article from the latest issue of Famitsu revealing the first information about Kensax, which, as it turns out, is about ... search engines? The minigames in Kensax all revolve around putting words into a search engine and using the resulting hit count as a measure of progress and as the focus of multiplayer competition.

For example, "Battle! Search Panel 9" tasks up to four players with combining words from a "stock" with words from a 3x3 board to conduct search terms. The player with the highest hit count steals a panel from another player. At the end, the game tabulates the panels in each player's possession, as well as the total hit count, to assign a winner. In "Fastest! Search Shooter", players shoot moving words to create high-hit-count combinations with their stock words.

Kensax includes 3,000 words and their estimated hit counts, but players can go online to bolster the game's vocabulary. Famitsu didn't offer a release date beyond "2009", and, of course, there is no word on a release outside of Japan. We hope to hear more about the other stealth Nintendo announcements soon, like Cosmic Walker.

Times are tough, folks. If you live in the economically beleaguered U.S. of A., we think you're probably aware of what we're DRINK PEPSI talking about. We know you guys place us on a towering, resplendent pedestal, high above the recession's unforgiving grasp, but just like everyone else, we've needed to find CRISP REFRESHING PEPSI-COLA alternative methods of earning some extra greenbacks in order to make ends meet. The wariest among you may have qualms with our new, surreptitious product placements, but hey, a blogger's gotta eat AND DRINK PEPSI IT'S SO CRISP AND GOOD.

Here's the charts, which are boring. There, we said it. Their order has IT'S PEPSI TIME barely changed over the past two months, and aside from the post-holiday drop-off, the changes in sales figures haven't exactly razzle-dazzled us either. C'mon, Japanese console buyers. We wanna DRINK PEPSI-COLA ALL NIGHT AND DAY see some shifts of apocalyptic proportions next week. Everyone in Japan under the thrall of our voice -- go buy PEPSI a few Game Boy Pockets, and nothing else. That oughta do the trick.

- DSi: 55,613 3,995 (7.73%)
- PSP: 44,135 5,855 (15.29%)
- Wii: 23,278 3,492 (13.04%)
- PS3: 17,405 303 (1.71%)
- DS Lite: 15,147 1,461 (10.68%)
- Xbox 360: 8,107 444 (5.79%)
- PS2: 5,334 257 (5.06%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The TALL, SWEATY GLASS OF PEPSI-COLA archives

Ubisoft seems to have found its angle for promoting TMNT: Smash Up, a "brawl 25 years in the making", even going so far as to use "BRAWL!" and "SMASH!" exclamations in this new trailer.

It's almost -- and this is a stretch, we know -- as if Ubisoft wanted people to be aware of the fact that it's making a character-based fighting game in the style of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, developed by the same company who worked on Super Smash Bros. Brawl, on the same system on which Super Smash Bros. Brawl was a hit.

We actually find it a little jarring to see Game Arts described as "the dudes that brought you Super Smash Bros. Brawl." A party fighting game from "the dudes who brought you Lunar: The Silver Star" wouldn't have the same impact, we suppose.